Blame the Child - Or the Education?

He steals from his parents and squanders the money on steak and fine wine. When he is caught and whipped he promptly returns to his thieving and gluttonous ways. He is known as the rebelious son. His punishment? Death by stoning.

This unusual parsha takes an even bigger twist when the Gemara reveals that in order for the rebellious son to be put to death his parents must be similar in their voice, height, and appearance (a virtual impossibility!), so much so that the Gemara says there never has been nor will there ever be a “rebellious son.”

What, then, are we to learn from this peculiar passage?

The Mishna in Sanhedrin explains that this son is put to death not because of his past

actions but because of his future. If at the young age of thirteen this child already displays such sensual and selfish tendencies, he will surely turn into a murderer. Therefore, we kill him now while he is still relatively Innocent.

But what of the identical parents?

R’ Shmuel Eidels (Maharsha) explains that the child can be found guilty only if his crimes are wholly the result of his “rotten” nature. If, however, his actions can be attributed, in part, to a faulty education; then we let him live. To this end, says R’ Shmuel, his parents must both be equally involved in his discipline. If one were to be more overbearing or have a stronger impression than the other it could have led to an imbalanced education. Therefore, his parents must be Identical: in voice, appearance and stature.

This still leaves us perplexed- what is the Torah trying to tell us by placing these impossible restrictions?!

Perhaps the Torah is teaching us a powerful lesson about parenting and education.

Often a parent or a teacher will blame a child’s misbehavior on the child’s errant nature.

“It’s not my fault, the kid’s rotten! There’s nothing I can do!”

The Torah rhetorically tells us, were there to be such an “impossible” child, he would be put to death immediately because he surely

would have no chance at being productive. Such a child, however, does not exist. Anytime one wants to label a child as the “rebellious one,” we ask, “Does he meet the requirements of having the perfect education that we could say that his faults are inborn?!”

The answer is invariably no.

No child is inherently rebelious. As educator and parents it is up to us to see the intrinsic good in every single child and help him or her grow. This is our challenging but vital task – to see that there really is no rebellious child.